FanFic Always Forever Ambrosia
But I will Bella. I will and how do I get it through to you that our love making would be your actual ending.
I don’t want to have to lie; I don’t want to walk away every time she tries for more than just a brief kiss.
The way she looks at me; those soft lips swollen from our kiss. Her eyes become sad. Rejection deep behind the words, “its ok Edward, its ok”.
Those words cut me, deep within, a place I never knew existed.
I can’t continue this any more.
I can’t say no, not another time.
I can’t give her what she wants.
I can’t quench our desires.
To be under me, loved & satisfied.
To be bitten.
To give her a pain that will burn in her mind, longer than the memory of us joining together as one, if I did turn her, my Bella.
I can’t and I won’t !
But I can’t keep putting her off either. I have to do something that will make it easier on both of us.
Bella looks at me with such desire, a fever of longing.
I lay with her at night, wanting to touch her, wanting her same wants, and her needs satisfied.
Her lips swollen from a quick kiss, has me wanting her like any man would want a woman he too desired.
I am like any man !
But my needs are far more intense than any mortal man.
My heart may not beat underneath my shirt, but the quickening of my thoughts, the speed at which I think of how she would feel, they are more thundering than any mortals heart beat.
I can envision our bodies, curled around each other.
Lust, Edward. Lust !
I desire more than just her body.
I have known its name for decades, but had not a bed fellow that partnered it, as hers, Bella.
Bella does not understand for those decades I have lusted for the taste of a blood so pure and so sweet, that its nectar “ the life-giving drink of the gods”…..
I longed for it, deeper than any thing I have ever tasted. Ambrosia.
I lay now next to her and my need is greater than it has been from the very first day I smelled her sweetness at school.
That very first day I laid eyes on her, I had smelled her tantalizing fluid.
Not one of those mortals over time has caught me off guard.
I have fed for strength sake. I have killed for reasons only for my own needs of hunger to stay strong.
But Bella.
My Bella.
I could not kill her, it would be like killing my own adopted kin.
No worse.
How do I slip away and leave, how do I make Bella understand that what I feel will kill us both.
“Edward” ?
“I’m here Bella”.
“Mmm”.
Bella sinks back into her dreams.
Edward speaks softly, “Just once, I would like to know what it feels like to have your skin against my skin”.
“Just once I would like to know what it feels like to have my lips caress your body; to have those desires no longer kept at bay”.
“Just once”….
Quietly, Edward slides off the bed and places the pillow where his body had laid.
Bella moans but snuggles into the pillow.
As she has done many nights, when perhaps her thoughts were in the know, he was leaving for just a short while, because when she woke, he was always there, one way or the other; outside waiting by her truck or his car; or there, in the chair by the window. Waiting and watching for her to wake.
Edward took one last look at Bella, he knew she would understand.
Smiling to himself and with love in his thoughts, he also knew this was the only way they would be together.
Out the window, Edward leaped upon the tree and jumped down into the darkness.
Thru the path in the woods he found Jacob waiting for him.
Just a few hours earlier, before he came to Bella’s for the evening, a deal had been made. Now was the time and no going back.
“Jacob”.
“Edward”.
“ Are you sure you want to do this Edward” ?
“Just remember what you promised, Jacob”.
“I don’t break promises, especially if it means making sure Bella is happy.”
“Just remember when to give her the letter, its important, the right time, its important Jacob”.
“Look are we going to do this or are you going to lecture me all night ? I already told you I would do the right thing, and giving her that letter will be the right thing. So lets get this over with Edward, because its now or never”.
“Ok, 162 miles south of here….
“EDWARD, I know ok”
As the moon lit brightly in the sky, there was a brief wolf cry in the far distance.
Bella awakened from what she knew was a dream. It had to be a dream.
Tears damp on her face. She looked into the familiar chair.
She got up and looked out her window.
There was no wind, but a chill in the air.
The night sky was clear, clearer than any time she had ever seen in Forks.
She shivered, not sure from the opened window or from her nightmare.
“Edward’ she whispered, calling softly into the night air.
Heard only by night campers, 162 miles south of Forks, a lone wolf howled, as if mournful.
A hunt had taken place. A kill.
A disheartened Bella, reads it again.
You said my spirit is within me, and I would go to heaven, not hell.
Until then,
Your loving Edward
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